🚫 NO TIKTOK SOUNDS ALLOWED

Penis Music
Inc

The ONLY music distributor that accepts penis music. DistroKid takes everything. We take NOTHING but penis music. That's our brand. That's our vision.
🍆 PENIS MUSIC ONLY 🍆 NO OTHER MUSIC ACCEPTED 🍆 WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR LO-FI BEATS 🍆 YOUR GUITAR SOLO DOESN'T COUNT UNLESS IT'S ABOUT YOUR PENIS 🍆 DISTROKID WHO? 🍆 PENIS MUSIC ONLY 🍆 NO OTHER MUSIC ACCEPTED 🍆 WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR LO-FI BEATS 🍆 YOUR GUITAR SOLO DOESN'T COUNT UNLESS IT'S ABOUT YOUR PENIS 🍆 DISTROKID WHO? 🍆 🍆 PENIS MUSIC ONLY 🍆 NO OTHER MUSIC ACCEPTED 🍆 WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR LO-FI BEATS 🍆 YOUR GUITAR SOLO DOESN'T COUNT UNLESS IT'S ABOUT YOUR PENIS 🍆 DISTROKID WHO? 🍆 PENIS MUSIC ONLY 🍆 NO OTHER MUSIC ACCEPTED 🍆 WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR LO-FI BEATS 🍆 YOUR GUITAR SOLO DOESN'T COUNT UNLESS IT'S ABOUT YOUR PENIS 🍆 DISTROKID WHO? 🍆
69K+
Artists Denied
420
Penis Tracks Approved
0
Non-Penis Music
100%
Penis Only
BECAUSE WHY NOT

Why Penis Music?

🎤

Unique Niche

While DistroKid spreads you thin across every genre, we focus exclusively on penis music. Your art deserves specialization, not a one-size-fits-all approach.

🚫

Quality Control

We reject 99.7% of submissions. That means when your penis music hits Spotify, you're among an elite community of penile musicians. Exclusivity matters.

💰

Better Royalties

Because our catalog is smaller and more focused, we can negotiate better deals. Your penis music earns more because we actually give a damn.

SO SIMPLE

How It Works

Four easy steps to get your penis music on all major platforms

1

Record

Create your masterpiece. It must be penis music. No exceptions. We're not a joke (well, we kind of are).

2

Submit

Upload your track through our form. If it's not about penises, don't bother. We'll know.

3

Review

Our team of penis music experts will review your submission within 4-6 business weeks.

4

Profit

Get your penis music on Spotify, Apple Music, and everywhere else. You're a legend now.

What We Accept vs. What We Deny

We take this very seriously. Do not test us.

✅ ACCEPTED

  • 🍆 Songs about penises
  • 🍆 Instrumentals titled "Big Dick Energy"
  • 🍆 Rap albums called "Dick Ryder"
  • 🍆 Country songs about "my big ol' dick"
  • 🍆 Classical pieces named "Ode to the Phallus"
  • 🍆 EDM tracks called "Sticky Dick Drop"
  • 🍆 Any genre with "dick" or "penis" in the title

🚫 DENIED

  • ❌ Love songs (not about YOUR penis)
  • ❌ Lo-fi hip hop beats
  • ❌ Acoustic cover songs
  • ❌ Polka
  • ❌ Music about anything other than penises
  • ❌ Your SoundCloud demo from 2019
  • ❌ EVERYTHING ELSE
⚠️ Warning: Submitting non-penis music will result in an automatic ban. We have a zero-tolerance policy. 🍆
AFFORDABLE

Pricing Plans

All plans include our premium penis music distribution network

BEGINNER

Solo Dick

$9/year

For the lone penis musician

  • 1 release per year
  • Spotify & Apple Music
  • Basic penis analytics
  • Standard support
Get Started
PRO

Dick Empire

$49/year

For the penis music mogul

  • Unlimited everything
  • All platforms + YouTube
  • Full penis analytics suite
  • Instant review (48 hours)
  • Dedicated penis manager
  • Merch integration
Build Your Empire

What Our Penis Musicians Say

I submitted my album "Dick Dreams" to DistroKid and they rejected me for "not being unique enough." Penis Music Inc accepted it in 3 days. I'm now making $200/month from my penis music. Life changing.

— MC Flava Flav

Album: "Dick Dreams Vol. 3"

As a classical composer, I always felt my piece "Concerto for Solo Penis" didn't belong on mainstream platforms. Penis Music Inc understood my vision immediately. They're the real ones.

— Johann B. (no relation)

Album: "Concerto for Solo Penis"

My lo-fi beats were getting nowhere. Then I rebranded everything as "lo-fi beats to jerk off to" and submitted to Penis Music Inc. Now I have 50K monthly listeners. The penises are listening.

— chillbeats420

Album: "Lo-Fi Dick Beats"

QUESTIONS?

Frequently Asked Questions

Ready to Share
Your Penis Music?

Join thousands of penis musicians who chose specialization over mediocrity. Submit your music today and join the penis music revolution.

🍆 Submit Penis Music Now

By submitting, you agree that your music is about penises. Lying is frowned upon.